Dreamcatcher

I have a backlog of things to be annoyed about. First up is this (literally) excerable movie. I should have known better than to rent a movie based on a Stephen King book that wasn't called the Shining - but I never in my wildest dreams (or worst nightmares) imagined that it was possible to make movies this bad.

The "plot" is about a bunch of middle-aged American guys (one of whom has a Canadian accent for no adequately explained reason) who were given magical powers as kids by a retarded orphan (I swear, I'm not making this up). Anyway, they're having a reunion in a cabin in the woods during a snowstorm, when a violently ill fat guy shows up. They take him in and to their very great surprise, a massive alien eel bursts out of the fat guy's ass and eats one of them (honestly, this actually happened in the movie).

Meanwhile Morgan Freeman (who's practically wearing a t-shirt that says "Doing it for the money") shows up as an insane, cigar-chomping army general. Apparently aliens have been invading for the last 20 years and bursting out of people's asses and Freeman and his crack (sorry) band of commandoes are the only ones who know about it.

After this, the film gets a bit stupid...

I'll spare you the rest of the plot, but it's almost worth watching for the last scene where the retarded kid saves the world by battling with super-ass-eel in a reservoir.

Don't watch this movie, unless you wanna wind up looking like this guy for days afterwards: